The first step to ending slutshaming. As allies, we must continue to stand up for one another.- GTG Slut Shaming Edition
I will never forget a time in my life where I was most vulnerable. It was after my divorce in 2007. I was told to get back in the dating game. I was far too young to give up on finding love. I soon became fixated on someone who only enjoyed my company at certain times. Those 'certain' times were only at night or when no one could see us.
I was so consumed with wanting him I did it. Not realising that when I did that I was not looking at what I truly needed from a partner/mate, in that moment. Remember, I just went through a divorce, but I was hyperfocused on him. After doing this for 2 1/2 years and him showing blatant signs he did not want to be with me, like him spending every single Valentine's Day with other women and not me. I recall getting upset with him and yelling at him why not me? He told me I was a slut.
Just.Like.That.
He said it like it was a fact. I was'nt actually a slut. I went through a very emotionally traumatic event, and my healing, like many others could be misconstrued as promiscuous or even provacative. I was dating multiple people. There were no love offers. I didn't think that could be considered 'slut' behavior, but to him, it was.
I felt his disrespect slap me across my face and I didn't like the feelings that word from the man I "Loved" evoked. All my fight and feelings for him instantly left me, and in a millisecond, my heart was broken by receiving clarity in this situationship. He saw me as the thing he called me, and therefore I did not deserve his love or time. It had been staring me in my face the whole time. Did that make me naive? Did that make me stupid?
Or was I both?
I was BOTH!
Sad to say, all that time, energy and tears were for someone who slutshamed me.
I tell you this story, not to harp on the guy, because aside from me being desperate to love someone in my whirlwind of pain, I wanted to be in love with anybody so bad that I didn't recognize he didn't want me. He never had. He was a good man. He owned a business and took care of his sick grandmother.
Looking back at it now, over a decade. It is cringe to think I let someone treat me like that and them having the balls to say that to me now. I am sure I am not alone. I am sure there are a few of you reading this that have been slutshamed in a similar manner. As sad as that situation ended, it did teach me a few life lessons.
The first, a man will sleep with you even if he doesn't respect you, so it is up to you to choose wisely with who you lay with. And second, Slutshaming is more than just a word we throw around on the internet. It is something deeply rooted in every society and every culture around the world. The way a woman dresses or how many sexual partners she has had overshadows everything else.
A woman's looks or what she does or does not wear should not define her in the world, nor should it immediately be seen as a protest to conservatism-or anybody's business for that matter.
I hate to sound like a shrew, but men are oftentimes given more freedoms than women, right down to autonomy. A man can take his shirt off in public and show his bare chest. If a woman did the same thing, she would get arrested for indecent exposure.
How can we end slutshaming? That is a question I have been asking my fellow family members and friends. A question that has weighed on my shoulders for a while. Slutshaming is not as easy to spot. Most victims are afraid to report it for fear they won't be taken seriously and could be retaliated against.
Slutshaming can be subtle.
Have you ever found yourself judging a girl/guy when you found out or saw a racy video leaked online of them and their partner? What if your friend was comfortable enough to express their sexual likes, and you thought it was weird and told them so? These are examples of slutshaming.
What about when we play around with our girlfriends and say "Where you going?" We are implying that they are getting dressed for a man. If you look at your friends who are more sexually active differently than your other friends.That is slushaming.
What about that girlfriend who talks 'like a guy' about her sex life? (Which she isn't.) There is no guy or girl way to talk about sex. Women should be able to sound the same way as a man and vice versa.
You get my point? LOL
Slutshaming is very sneaky.
I have hope that the young women of today will put a stop to slutshaming. More and more, I am witnessing women stand up for themselves and each other. That is the first step to ending slutshaming. As allies, we must continue to stand up for one another.
When we see someone getting slutshamed, we must say something. Women deserve to live in a world free of harsh judgment. There are more important things going on in the world. The last thing 'Society' should worry about is the length of someone's hemline.
Share your slutshaming experience or ways you think we can end it in the comments section below.
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